It’s getting hot and heavy with your new guy. You’ve cooked him dinner at your place, he’s cooked you dinner at his. There was no wondering when it came to Valentine’s Day: you knew you were spending it together. He picks up right away when you call, day or night. You don’t send him to voicemail. It’s getting to the point where you’re ready to take the relationship to that next level, and you’re freaked out. Not because of your body, which you’ve worked hard on and is exactly how you want it. Not with fear of performance: you’re quite certain it will be everything you hope it will be. What’s freaking you out is the fact that you have not told him that those kinky curly tendrils framing your face were made in India, as in made on another woman’s head.
Otherwise confident women who rock the socks off of every other part of their lives can turn into quivering, nervous messes when it comes to admitting that they wear hair extensions, especially to the men in their lives. The Chris Rock film Good Hair didn’t seem to help, with many women believing that the movie mocked black women and their used of extensions instead of portraying it as a hairstyle choice that even women of other races often use. Even with Brittany Spears shaving her weave off in public, or with women casually adjusting their faux ponies as they walk down the street, there are still certain women with whom only their stylists know for sure (well, if it’s a good stylist, but that’s another story). And while stealth tactics may work with your friends, family and coworkers, it’s kind of hard to do keep up the charade in the sack. Unless you plan on doing weird aerobic moves with your head, dodging away from his hands as you try and make him believe that it’s foreplay, you’re going to have to get to the root cause – so to speak – of why you have issues.
If you’re ok with why you wear hair extensions, it will be easier to tell the people that you feel you need to tell. If done correctly, hair extensions are a perfect way to safely alter your appearance. You can go curly, kinky or straight, long or short, and wear colors that you’d be afraid to try out on your own hair. They’re a great way to grow out your hair while giving it a rest from styling tools and products. There is absolutely no shame in wearing them, so if you are ashamed, you have to figure out why. If you’re wearing them to pretend to be something you’re not, it’s like starting a relationship with a big lie. That big lie will follow you everywhere you go and affect everything you do and say.
“Can I comb your hair, honey?” Uh…no. My head hurts.”
“Let’s take a shower together!” “Sure, just let me go get my big old shower cap.”
“Let’s go swimming!” “No!”
Why can’t I touch your hair? “Because that’s taboo in my Minihaha (fake Native American tribe) culture. “
As you can see, your conversations will start to become more and more awkward the longer you keep your “secret.” Once you look at it for what it is, a hairstyle, you should be able to relax about it.
Assess your relationship
If you’re afraid of how your beau will react to the fact that you have extensions, you need to figure out if the fear comes from your own embarrassment, or from some vibe that he’s given off. If he’s mocked women with weaves, or turned up his nose at the very idea, you need to figure out if you really want someone like that to be your “forever” guy.
A great guy will think that it’s sweet that you were worried about what he thought about your hair. He’ll go out of his way to make you feel comfortable, and you’ll truly feel that he likes you for you. A not so great guy will turn up his nose and make you feel bad. You’ll then have a choice to make. If he’s dead set against extensions and you care about his feelings more than anything, you’ll yank them out to make him happy. You could also make another choice. You could consider your own needs and wants and do what makes you happy. You may lose the guy, but are you sure you would have wanted him? His criticisms would most likely only have begun with the hair, and moved onto other things post haste. If you keep your bought locks, and he takes off, consider it a painful but necessary gift from the universe and move on. At the end of the day, it really is just hair.