My Man vs. My Hair
hether we want to admit it or not, a lot of our decisions in regards to our appearance, whether it be our hair, clothes, shoes, or make-up is geared towards appeasing the opposite sex. You know I’m telling nothing but truth ladies.
Hell, I’m not going to lie to you. Every time I get my hair styled or decide to embrace a new hair cut, I usually discuss it with my man beforehand. Now, although my man loves me regardless of the hair, he will be truthful in telling me that he prefers my hair long as opposed to short. However, I will be equally as truthful with him and tell him that that will not deter me from cutting my hair and my asking him was more of a forewarning of something I was going to do whether he agreed to it or not. What did my man do after the cut? He got over it. Quickly.
With the recent boom in natural hair among sistas there has been an explosion of women who have went from relaxed syles, weaved on to rocking afro puffs, braids, dreads, and other variations of natural hair. From my own observation it seems as though the sistas love it just as much if not more than their relaxed hair and for good reason. Natural hair is lower in maintenance and once you become accustomed to it, there is no limit to the styles you can create.
The inverse to this new acceptance of our natural hair among the sistas is that there still are brothas who are not feeling a chick with natural hair. Hell, even many of the Black male celebrities like Method Man and the Old Spice front man Isaiah Mustafa have both publicly remarked that they are not a fan of women with “nappy” hair. On a side note, how can a man with such an afrocentric name like Mustafa trip about a sista having nappy hair? He has his nerve. But I digress.
This is a cause for discussion because these men are not alone in their opinions ladies. There are plenty of non-celebrity Black men who share these thoughts. Now, they might not express them publicly for fear of attacks, but they express them by the women that they choose to date and ultimately marry and have children with.
Well it is just hair! Hmmm… yes it is. But in Black culture hair has and always will be a big deal. Is it coming to a point where women have to consider whether it should be necessary for their man to accept their natural hair choice or any hair choice for that matter? Should you sit him down at the kitchen table, hold his hands, and look him deep in his eyes as if to penetrate his soul, as you explain to him why you have decided to let your hair go natural? The image of that sounds like a scene from a Lifetime movie of the week. However, that is how deep it gets for some sistas and their significant others.
Here is the deal ladies. Men expect for you to stay by their side through richer or poorer. They expect for you to have their back when times are tough. Unfortunately, in today’s times there are more tough times for a lot of people than there were ten years ago. They expect for you to be understanding if his six pack suddenly turns into a belly that resembles a woman who is in her third trimester. They expect for you to still want to love them down through their going bald stage. They expect for you to be just as attracted to them through them deciding to grow a beard that looks less like Idris Elba’s and more like Kimbo Slice’s. Women are even expected to forgive a man for his infidelities. Yeah, I went there. We are expected to love them hard at all times and at all costs. No questions asked.
Well, I am all for total devotion and making the ultimate commitment to a man. As long as the feeling is reciprocated. Ladies, we have to demand to receive the same treatment from our men that they have become accustomed to receiving from us for so many years. If you are with a man who is giving you a hard time because you want to cut your hair short, or go natural, and he is threatening to leave you or to refuse to be intimate with you if you do, then you should rethink whether you want to build your life with this man. You might also want t draft his dismissal papers, just in case.
I’m jokingly serious about this. Life is not for the soft of heart. Situations are happening to people that they never thought they would have to go through a day in their lives. If this man’s love for you is that weak that he is willing to throw away your life together over hair then it is best that you know this immediately before the real hard stuff starts. Situations like not being able to pay your mortgage on time, disciplinary problems with your children, and one of you losing your job. Sometimes situations that seem petty and frivolous can show a person’s true intentions. Also, sometimes, not all of the time, but sometimes, a Black man’s resentment or distaste towards natural hair shows that they have more of a problem with themselves than with your choice. Can you say “self hate?” Marinate on that for a moment.