Dating and the Single Mom
This poem by a user on YouTube was really powerful. It chronicles some of the struggles of being a single mom. And listen ladies, you can be a single mom even if you are married. If you are the only one holding the kids down, going to school meetings and school functions, helping with homework, and your husband is not an active parent because he is “too busy” with work or whatever he has going on, then you are acting as a single mother.
How do you balance life as a single mom? We have all heard about the seemingly large number of Black single mothers versus women of other racial groups. I’m not sure if I buy into those “alarming” statistics. Personally, I think being a single mom has its challenges for anyone, regardless of race.
Challenge #1: Finding the Time to Actually Date
As the head of the household, not only are you the one responsible for holding down the bills and caring for your home, but you are also the one and only taxi service for your children. As a mom, you may be driving your kids back and forth to school, to extracurricular activities, and leisure activities. You do everything you can so you do not miss a school concert or PTA meeting. With such a busy schedule, how do you then gather the energy to actively put yourself out there to find Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now?
Fix: Plan a schedule of all of your children’s activities and things you have to do and make time (schedule time) to go out. Make time to go out with the girls or go to a place where it is likely you may meet a guy, a singles gathering, or some other type of event.
Challenge #2: Who’s Going to Care for the Kids?
Often times, single moms are plagued with having to find a sitter for their child or children just to be able to go out and have a good time. Most often, fathers are not involved are available because they are so busy dating and seeing women to spend time with their kids at a last minute’s notice so the mom can go out. This is NOT always the case with every situation as there are some fathers who are very active in their children’s life and therefore, each parent has equal time to have a social life.
Fix: If possible, get the father of the child or children to be more involved. After all, why should he be able to freely date and spend time with hanging out with the guys and bringing home different women, and you can’t even go have drinks after work because you are tied to the kids. He should be equally tied to the kids and shouldn’t be allowed to have so much free time while you have none. Also, get a good support group…relatives and friends you trust that may be able to help baby sit the kids sometime.
Challenge #3 Letting Go of the Guilt
Some single moms feel guilty about going out for a night out with the girls or on a date because they feel as though they should be there for their children.
Fix: Remember, you are a mother, but you are also a woman. Your children will not be children forever and you need to have a life also. It is possible to raise your children and have your own social life too.
Listed above are only what I believe to be the top three challenges that single moms face with dating. Feel free to comment on what you think is the top challenges for single moms and dating. Maybe you don’t feel there are any challenges to dating and being a single mom. If so, please comment and let us know why.