s more and more Black women discover the beauty of their naturally kinky hair, the feud between relaxed and natural women of Color is growing at an alarming rate. While some natural ladies feel as if women who choose to relax their hair are betraying their African roots, relaxed ladies feel that they are constantly under attack by the naturals over their choice to process their hair. It is a silly debate as well as an unfortunate one especially that over the decades African-Americans have had an on-going riot among themselves over such insignificant issues. Why should it make a difference how my sister decides to wear her hair? Would the way she decides make her more or less Black? When you think of it that way, it does sound ridiculous.
Relaxed Women
Black women who choose to relax their hair have the right to do so without being persecuted by their race. Women of Color choose to relax for many reasons not always conceivable to natural women. Most commonly, women who relax their hair chooses to do so because they find caring for their hair in the natural state to be a hassle. This can be because she may not be very well educated on how to care for natural hair or perhaps she may feel the processes involved are too time consuming. Most of us as little girls grew up having the luxury of a hot comb in our homes and loved the way our hair looked and felt after being pressed. As adults, some still enjoy having straight hair rather than kinky hair and find heat-straightening methods more tedious. Relaxers permanently reconstruct the texture of hair making strands straight. This works for many women because it is a convenient way to maintain the straight texture they prefer easily, without having to compromise styling due to humidity or weather conditions. Relaxing hair may make it more manageable but it also has its setbacks. When the bond is broken allowing kinky hair to become straight, it also weakens the hair follicle. Because of this, relaxed hair is more susceptible to breakage. By nature straighter hair is less dry and if this is the deciding factor between relaxed and natural, then relaxed wins easily.
Natural Women
Natural women, on the other hand prefer the versatility of styling, being able to revert between curly and straight styles. In some instances, women who prefer natural styling are at times frowned upon by relaxed women who sometimes jeer at their hair texture referring to it as nappy or rough. Not all women who choose not to relax their hair are “for the cause,” so to speak. She may simply desire to rid her hair of chemical processing and avoid the risk of damage that may follow. She might also find processed hair to be somewhat of a nuisance and more difficult to attain fullness in her styling. She might find that she can grow and maintain longer lengths with natural hair. She may have conducted research on sodium hydroxide and its chemical counterparts and decided that relaxing was not for her. Having natural hair opens doors for endless styling opportunities and overall is a much healthier choice for your hair. However, with curly hair dryness and split ends are imminent. Rule of thumb, the curlier the follicle, the drier it is. Naturals find themselves working overtime to maintain the moisture and shine to their naturally dry hair. Humidity and weather condition like rain and snow, do very little to change the styling composition of natural. This is yet another plus in choosing to remain natural.
At the end of the day, to think that our sisters are at war with each other over the way she chooses to style her hair is almost inconceivable. Both natural and relaxed women have preferences, likes and dislikes with their own hair. Stereotyping within your own race is yet another vice in oppressing the Black race. We should not allow petty and frankly ignorant issues to divide us further, for we are all related through our African roots.
Kendra Turnquest
i transitioned from relaxed to natural 3.5 yrs ago. it has been difficult, rewarding, and interesting. i did not do the “big chop” and don’t understand why people are suggesting such a drastic measure to begin the natural hair journey. i used the same shampoo, condition, blow dry, flat iron, and wrap technique during my transition and haVe used it eVer since. i wash my hair twice a month, flat iron it twice a month, and wrap it every night. the most difficult thing about transitioning is the amount of time it takes to straighten my hair and the humidity during spring and summer are a bonafide killer! honestly, the humidity and effects it has on my natural tresses is what has nearly pushed me towards relaxing my hair again. man, if you want to do the erykah badu or old school jill scott then natural hair isn’t for you. if you want to have the faVorite straightened hair look of nia long or keri washington then relaxed hair isn’t for you. nothing is for you until you can decide what you want for yourself without comparing yourself to others. if you are willing to take the time to understand your hair, then your hair will have received the time and understanding it needs to be treated in a manner best suited to your tastes! just trying to encourage you to see the beauty beyond your hair. relax it if you want. straighten it if you want. just do what you are compelled to do and please yourself. your hair will show you how you feel about yourself. i promise;)V
*note: relaxed hair length: medium
natural hair length: compliment worthy and awe inspiring*
yea, man, i’m digging myself. you should dig yourself, too;)V
Hey this article was great in helping me decide if I wanted to go back to relax hair. I’ve been transitioning for about 8 mos now and my hair is very dry. I’ve been wasting money on all kinds of hair products that people have recommended. My hair also does not have a defined curl pattern. Although I love my African-american roots, the kinky afro look just isn’t my style. As a woman with a career in the military, there’s very few ways i can wear my hair that’s within regs and something that I feel comfortable and professional wearing. My mother has recommended that I keep it natural but straighten it with a hot comb. This would work if I didn’t constantly work out 5 times a week…sweat
.Let me know if you have any advice.
i transitioned from relaxed to natural 3.5 yrs ago. it has been difficult, rewarding, and interesting. i did not do the “big chop” and don’t understand why people are suggesting such a drastic measure to begin the natural hair journey. i used the same shampoo, condition, blow dry, flat iron, and wrap technique during my transition and haVe used it eVer since. i wash my hair twice a month, flat iron it twice a month, and wrap it every night. the most difficult thing about transitioning is the amount of time it takes to straighten my hair and the humidity during spring and summer are a bonafide killer! honestly, the humidity and effects it has on my natural tresses is what has nearly pushed me towards relaxing my hair again. man, if you want to do the erykah badu or old school jill scott then natural hair isn’t for you. if you want to have the faVorite straightened hair look of nia long or keri washington then relaxed hair isn’t for you. nothing is for you until you can decide what you want for yourself without comparing yourself to others. if you are willing to take the time to understand your hair, then your hair will have received the time and understanding it needs to be treated in a manner best suited to your tastes! just trying to encourage you to see the beauty beyond your hair. relax it if you want. straighten it if you want. just do what you are compelled to do and please yourself. your hair will show you how you feel about yourself. i promise;)V
*note: relaxed hair length: medium
natural hair length: compliment worthy and awe inspiring*
yea, man, i’m digging myself. you should dig yourself, too;)V
Greetings, I’m in transition as well from relaxed to perm. When I was about seven years of age, I disliked the hot comb. However, as I got in middle school, I received my first perm. It was good and all, unfortunately, I started experiencing a tremendous amount of hair breakage and burnt scalps. I’m 34 years old and I’m transitioning into my natural hair again to retain length and having more of a healthy approach to it. I use the mayo, egg, and olive oil treatment and love the
Results. So far, I use main and tail detangeler and extra virgin olive oli, and braids for a protective hair style. I have two ?’s. What are the best hair care for natural hair whether you want to wear it straight or curly, and how can you find out what type of natural hair you have. Be blessed.
I there, I’ve tried the relaxed to natural transition twice and both times got frustrated. With a small child I have a hard time with my hair and styling due to lack of time. I’m now growing out natural hair again (because I don’t like relaxing while pregnant) and am going to have another opportunity to keep it going.
I have read a lot of helpful tips and found extra virgin coconut oil and aloe vera are the best for my natural hair but how do you manage it on a daily basis? Do you wet and detangle it every day and apply moisturizers? Do you wrap it over night and only deal with it once a week?
My hair is now halfway down my back and my stylist leaves a lot of curl in it-not completely straightening it which makes transition easier- so I don’t want to cut it off and start from scratch.
To add to the difficulty I have a lot of hair and three different types of curl on one head. Tight kinky curls, tight spirals and loose spirals. I also lose a lot of hair so it tangles easily. Any suggestions would be very helpful. I’d like to eventually go natural because I have an auto immune disorder and am trying to eliminate a lot of the chemicals from my life to see if it will help.
After reading your article I am impressed. I would like to one day try again to go natural. The first time I did it my hair went into withdrawal. They were falling out in clumps from not straighting it for “several” months. My friend said to cut it ALL off and go from scratch. Well that was not happening. II’ve since put the relaxer back in. Years later my hairline is slowly thinning. I’ve read about the Castor Oil and have started using it. The other day I tried doing an egg n Olive Oil treatment and it left my hair with a built up residue and I couldn’t blow dry it with the added comb on the tip of it (coarse and tangled). In two weeks I’ll be relaxing it. I plan to follow many of your advice in your articles. Thanks.
I fell in love with my hair when I decided to go natural in Jan 2011. After my BC, I washed and conditioned my hair and let it air dry. When I touched my little flow, it was softer than cotton.
In my opinion, natural hair is harder to maintain. A considerable amount of time is spent keeping it moist and in the beginning, it’s difficult to find the right style. It’s not for everyone, but I love it. Find something that works for you and take good care of your hair.
My little flow? I meant fro… It’s currently 4:09 AM. I think I need to go to sleep..lol
Good article. As a seasoned Afro-American sister. I think it is refreshing now to have the choice. Gone are the days of burning the heck out of your scalp to pass in an unaccepting society. Now variety is the spice of life and the majority of people around us embrace their roots, (pun intended);the beauty is in having the choice, whereas, there was a day it was ABSOLUTELY taboo to go out without at least a press ‘n curl. Now I just love the choice and for a healthy scalp I have chosen to go grey and natural circa – Angela Davis style. LOVE IT! Now I am considering braiding in grey extensions sit down if you can stand to think about that.LOL. I can proudly say that I have lived long enough to continue to have a love-hate relationship with my hair like most women of any color. However, at least there is now freedom to express yourself without the ridicule from everyone not just some. I say hair health is way more important and just like anything in life as you grow older you learn how to be true to yourself as you honor your health. You learn how to rock the look with comfort, style, and ease and resist the peer pressure to please those who like to tease.
I’ve been debating about going natural since I had my triplets two years ago. Ideally, I’d like to transition with press and curls until there is some substantial new growth. The challenge I face is that I work out five days a week with a ton of sweating I’m not sure how long the pnc will last. I know I’m not ready for the BC. Ay thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Hello, I love your question. I read somewhere on the internet that you do not necessary have to do ”the big chop”. Just continue to cut your ends for a quicker procedure without doing the big chop. I’m in transition myself and my protective hairstyle is braids. I do the egg, mayo, and olive oil treatments every two weeks. Enjoy your natural chemical free hair girlfriend.
I am 11 years old and I want my hair relaxed. I want it relaxed cuz I love the way it flutters add bounces. I also like the way you can style it.
Straight hair is nice, its more manageable and a lot of black people have it; but relaxers are strong chemicals and are not only damaging to your hair, but hair follicles(the root of your hair) ,and scalp. When your follicles or roots are damaged your hair can’t grow, and becomes dry and brittle which will cause it to break off. Google the ingredients. They contain things that cause dryness, blindness, and cancer. I’m 20 I got my 1st perm at around 8, I had really thick beautiful hair about shoulder length.. As I got older around 11 or 12 my hair began getting thinner, breaking off, and soon the damage was so bad I had to get it cut to above my neck. It was really embarrassing to go to school and get called bald headed, and not be able to get my hair into a ponytail…I’m not sayin your hair will completely fall out if you get a perm, but why take that chance? If you know how to take care of your natural hair it can be the most beautiful thing in the world. Lushes curls down your back and you don’t have to sit under a dryer, only twist or braid your hair. And if you want it straight you can get a blow out and it will give you the same effect as a perm, actually better because you won’t be forced to stay with it. Check out some people on YouTube with natural hair and all the styles they do with it.
I’m in my mid forties….and I can remember my mom, dad having the most beautiful afros in the late 60s and 70s, but as trends passed and assimulation grew….natural hair became less acceptable.It is ironic now that my own parents are begging me to relax my hair. I don’t think it is a trend but an individual choice. I went thru a natural phase several times in my life…..but the third time has been the charm. Now is the right time for me spiritually,economically and socially so all the pieces have come together.
To all those on a natuaral hair journey for a trend or otherwise, happy growing
I think that many black women and girls are more than likely scared to go natural because of what others might think them. I am still trying to get over that myself, but I would like one day to go natural and be free from the relaxer. The relaxer does more harm than good and I’ve come to realize that (I’m only 17), natural hair is beautiful and we need to embrace it.
You just said a mouth full. Enjoy your hair
I am a teenager and yes I believe that Black women think their own curly, kinky and coily hair type is un attractive. All of our lives, we were taught that straight, wavy hair and loosely curled hair equals good hair while kinky to coily hair equals bad hair.
I even know a Black girl who wears weaves say that she wants hair like a White girl. It didn’t shock me when she said she relaxed her hair.
We, as Black people, need to learn to love everything about ourselves including our hair.I think it is sad that we were taught that our natural hair needs to get ”fixed” in order for it to ”look good’ aka straight hair.
Hair is hair. There is no such thing as bad hair.
Hi Kendra! I did the big chop on May 2nd 2012..My last relaxer was in February 2012, and my hair as of now is about 1.75 inches(at the longest)& 1.50 (at the shortest). Doing research I see that my hair is growing at the expected length. My concern is, my hair seems to be to dry and stiff like a rug after my hair has sucked up all the moisturizers/oils/conditioners etc. Is this just my hair texture? or am I doing something wrong because I cant tell if my hair is “healthy”
P.S: I take biotin pills, I use %100 shea butter, African Royale Hot 6 oil, peppermint&coconut oil and sulfate free shampoo..
Hi Marissa,
From what I have read you seem to be doing everything right. But let me ask you this; in addition to your oils and conditioners, do you use styling gels as well? There are often a whole lot of hidden ingredients in shampoos and even some moisturizers that contain alcohol which dries your hair just as much.
Another thing, do you apply oils to your wet hair or after it dries? Oils are great for softening and shining the hair but they alone don’t moisturize. When using your oils make sure your hair is still wet or damp at the least. Remember, oils don’t hydrate, moisture and water hydrates. So the next time you wash your hair apply your oils to lock in the moisture while your hair is still damn.
What are you sleeping on? If you are sleeping on a cotton pillow case, change it to a satin one or wear a satin scarf to bed at night. Our hair no doubt does some crazy things but its really not that hard to keep it happy.
I have just recently started the “curly girl method” and i’m less than a week into it and I already see an improvement in my hair’s manageability. In fact, I think you should do this as well. There are really no cons to consider. Your hair will begin to retain its own moisture and natural oils made from your scalp. Google it and see if its something you can live it.
Aside from all of this, Black hair just doesn’t like to be bothered much. Just give your hair minimal styling and products for now and allow it to regain its health and natural moisture.
Thanks for reading Marissa, let me know how it turns out.
I put oils in my hair before AND after, still dry as a bone lol and Yes I have been experimenting with different products that can dry my hair out without me even reading the ingredients!…i am going to google to curly girl method but thanks for your help!!
Stop using the shea butter, it has it good side but it is not good for natural hair because it leaves the hair very dry. Use any products with Glycerin and you should see some moisture. Try using some 100 Vegetable Glycerin( you can get it at a whole foods market). Also try Smooth and Shine curl activator get (clear gel in a jar, Walmart) Good Luck!
thanks Marie! ill try that too
Carol’s Daughter has great products for transitioning your hair.
I’ve been debating with myself on whether or not to go natural, I finally made up my mind to make the transition. I look back at my pictures when I was younger and see how long and full my hair use to be and I want that back. I want to be able to get the real experience of my natural hair. So I’m making the transition! I am so excited!
Congratulations Reese! You will find a ton of tips and resources on BHM to help you easily and beautifully transition. Happy Transitioning!
I’m in the same boat as you. Good luck
I recently made the choice to transition from my relaxed hair to my natural hair. The choice was made because of economic reasons – not being able to keep up the relaxed process and being afraid that I’d have to cut it all of due to breakage. My hair was first relaxed my 10th grade year in school and I started my transition 2 years ago (currently 38). I loved my hair in it’s relaxed state and I love my hair in it’s natural state. It is more to deal with in it’s natural state and I’ve found that it can be more expensive – what I was trying to avoid in the first place. But I’ve found that my hair is indeed healthier. I have very thick, curly hair (I’m a 3c). My struggle now is learning what products to use and how to maintain my natural hair. The humidity in Louisiana and Mississippi is taxing at best and the frizz is sometimes unbearable. However, I doubt if I ever go back to the creamy crack so I am diligently looking for help
Hi Sha’,
Firstly, thanks for reading! Natural hair does seem more expensive to maintain because the cash that you would spend on relaxers is now replaced with moisturizers and “curly puddings” that can cost a pretty penny (depending on whether you make them yourself or purchase ready made concoctions). So I am in total agreement with you on that one. But I do from time make my own concoctions that work just as well or even better than the top shelf brands.
I too live in a very humid climate here in The Bahamas, and summer begins at spring time. LOL! I love my natural hair and I have been for two years until recently I started locking. It’s not a way to get away from puffiness due to humidity but I did so because I am very busy as a wife and mom of 2 firstly and secondly a professional photographer, graphic designer and makeup artist. When you really look at it I have very little to no time for styling.
Like I always say, no matter what it is you have to pay more for health, whether its food, skin or hair, its lateral across the board.
Try making your own hair treatments and puddings to cut the costs dramatically.
Can you give me some suggestions on the “making my own hair products”. I haven’t the slightest idea where to start. I am a newbie to this natural hair thing and I would love to continue wearing my natural hair, only straightening it every once in a while. My hair is mid-back length when straightened and it’s very thick. I get major shrinkage when curly. It swells outward instead of downward after it air dries completely. I don’t mind the shrinkage so much as the frizziness. I too experience summer weather in the spring time where 85-90 degree weather is the low with an equally high heat index.
accepting differences is spreading love.Imagine how boring it would be if we were all the same!
I love to watch different hairstyles, different textures, and different women looking gorgeous!
<3 Thanks for reading, and I totally agree. Black hair is amazing and there is never a dull moment with it!
why is it hair doesn’t hold a style or curl when you need a relaxer? I would like something in between that slightly relaxes the new growth so the hair isn’t “stick straight”. Any suggestions?
Texturizer.
Hi Millicent, thanks for reading! If you have soft thin hair like I do, I wouldn’t recommend chemicals because your hair is already delicate it can’t take much and can cause you to end up with straight patches permanently. However, if you have thicker, coarser hair then you can try a keratin treatment. I am assuming that you currently relax your hair and are not worried about permanent straightening. I don’t see much logic in texturizing your new growth if you relax your hair. To get you through to your next relaxer I would suggest straightening serum and a flat iron, just to be safe.
Im currently relaxed, texlaxed is a better way to describe my hair,but I learned on my healthy hair journey that in order to know what your hair needs you have to learn what your natural state of you’re hair is and understand how to maintain it.
I don’t think relaxed woman hate their hair in its natural state, just think they don’t know how to take care of it or Some just like there hair straight.At the end of the day this controversy relaxed and natural shouldn’t be even happening , we should just respe decisions decisions on what we want to do top our
Im currently relaxed, texlaxed is a better way to describe my hair,but I learned on my healthy hair journey that in order to know what your hair needs you have to learn what your natural state of you’re hair is and understand how to maintain it.
I don’t think relaxed woman hate their hair in its natural state, just think they don’t know how to take care
Interesting piece. I wear my hair natural because I am allergic to most relaxers and I don’t even think once to persecute anyone who doesn’t do like me
We move forward to live but we look back to understand. Understanding is what brings knowledge into wisedom. Open your inner eyes. Much revelation in words: lye = to decieve; relax(er) = to weaken, to disempower. Spiritually speaking, to disempower a people you must first remove their hair (top most part) out of it’s natural (God’s) order (read the story of how Sampson was disempowered in the book of judges). Black women spend $9 billion a year (economic disempowerment)altering our hair with poisonous chemicals and exulting another man’s image above who we are created to be. Whatever image we exult above ourselves will govern our existence. The world is waiting on the black mother to raise her crown and establish her nation.Black is that which was before the begining and always will be. The coil geometric design made by our hair is the first principle of all creation. That which brings into manifestation. The wigs, weaves and chemicals represent the domination and enslavement by the light race. It is time for us to look beyond the deception that this hair thing is just a beauty choice and see what’s really going on. Hair is the crown (that which governs) and the glory ( that which dignifies). Why is it that majority of black women are wearing look alikes of white women’s hair over our heads. Is it beauty or humiliation?
The truth is most black women think their hair is ugly or unattractive in its natural state. Getting honest about that is critical to the healing of our self image. How do we raise children with a sense of self, when they are taught very young, that in their natural state they are ugly or unattractive? How can you truly love yourself, when you are constantly trying to run from it? Our positive self image has to more than being “just as good as the white man or woman.”A sense of self comes from more than trying to become something, it’s about being something, period! We are something as black people, just because, period!
Wow, you said a mouthful!
I recently discovered the idea of texlaxing and I’m in love. My hair had been permed since before kindergarten. So I haven’t known my curly hair very much. Until having my own child I didn’t know anything about my hair. My hair had always been short but that didn’t bother me alot since I’m great at doing my own weaves and braids. After being pregnant my hair grew longer than it ever was but when it broke off I was disappointed. That is when I decided to learn about my hair. And I tried going natural a few times but after 4 or 5 months I’m sick of braids but never dealt with hair as curly as my natural hair. It’s hard when you have never known anything about your natural hair. Now I’m texlaxing and I’m learning more about curly hair without so much pressure or fear. Is like to be able to natural one day but out is a big learning process and some of us aren’t brave enough to jump into unknown waters.